Mormons Anonymous

Divorce - Is it Justified

On the topic of divorce, no one has ever given a clearer talk to the members of the church as this one. Divorce is one of the most damaging events a person could go through. It is not caused by incompatibility. It is caused by selfishness.

Dallin Oaks is a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This talk was given on the Sunday morning session of General Conference in April 2007. You can find the talk here and I highly recommend watching it.

Dalin Oaks on Divorce

The transcript of this talk is found on the LDS.org website.

Interesting points that I got out of this talk are as follows:

1. Because of the hardness of our hearts, the Lord does not currently enforce the consequences of the Celestial Standard found in the higher law. He permits divorced persons who have not committed serious transgressions to become eligible for a temple recommend.

2. There are many good members of the church who have been divorced and many of them are innocent victims–members whose former spouses persistently betrayed sacred covenants or abandoned or refused to perform marriage responsibilities for an extended period. Members who have experienced such abuse have firsthand knowledge of circumstances worse than divorce.

3. We know that some look back on their divorces with regret at their own partial or predominant fault in the breakup. All who have been through divorce know the pain and need the healing power and hope that come from the Atonement. That healing power and that hope are there for them and also for their children.

4. I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache.

5. A couple with serious marriage problems should see their bishop. As the Lord’s judge, he will give counsel and perhaps even discipline that will lead toward healing. Bishops do not counsel members to divorce, but they can help members with the consequences of their decisions. Under the law of the Lord, a marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us.

6. Even those who think their spouse is entirely to blame should not act hastily. One study found “no evidence that divorce or separation typically made adults happier than staying in an unhappy marriage. Two out of three unhappily married adults who avoided divorce reported being happily married five years later.”

His Needs Her Needs

Here is a review of a book written by a marriage counselor. While this book talks about how to avoid having an affair creep into your marriage, it actually provides sound advice for any married couple wanting to have real happiness in their marriage. The book is easy reading. I recommend it for all married individuals and all individuals who hope to some day be married.

Top Five Needs For Women:
1. Affection
2. Conversation
3. Honesty and Openness
4. Financial Support
5. Family Commitment

Top Five Needs For Men:
1. Sexual Fulfillment
2. Recreational Companionship
3. Attractive Spouse
4. Domestic Support
5. Admiration

Reading Scriptures with Children

I have two kids and most every Sunday, I get them to church along with myself. But I find that simply attending church is not enough-and I think that most staunch Christians would agree with that concept. To me, the challenge is to always keep the spirit of God burning strongly within. When you are living your life in accordance with his will submitting yourself to him in thought and deed and action, he will be there with you showering his love on you in a way that is very personal. Do you feel God’s love? Do you feel his presence within you? Only you as an individual can answer that question.

I worry for my children in that right now they are young but will not always be. Especially when they get into thier teenaged years, they will then be thinking for themselves. I want them to experience the love of God while they are young so that as they grow older, they will not depart from his ways. And if his ways are foreign to them, then they will have no reason to give themselves to him.

At my church, there has been a lot of encouragement that we read the scriptures together with our children. I started with the childrens’ versions. Now I have moved to the real deal. On normal nights, I get the children to their room about 8:00 pm, we open up the scriptures, and read from them. Quite often, I will read about two chapters and intend to stop; however, I will have a ten year old beg me to continue. I know the reason and she will tell you. She feels the Spirit of God burn from within while the words of the pages are being read.

I encourage everyone to read the scriptures with thier children. Although they are young, they know more then others may give them credit. Also, you will benefit yourself as the Lord blesses you for taking the time to acknowlege him, learn of his teachings, and for teaching your children his ways.